Yoga does something to me. It takes me into the present instead of dreaming of the future or the past. Sometimes that's a good thing, today it was a bad thing. During my hatha yoga session I couldn't really concentrate. I was sitting in front of the window, staring at the bald tree branches. My breathing made the branches multiply and breathe on their own, I love it when yoga does that to me. But then I looked over at my yoga instructor, a calm and collected Indian woman and remembered yoga in Tallahassee. I began to think about Tallahassee and had random memory flashbacks of Ian and I kissing at the Landis fountain at night. Then I thought about next summer, how I just wanted to come home to Tallahassee and do yoga and make-out with Tim. I could almost feel his perfectly tinged caramel skin, smell the cocoa butter. After the session I went home and washed the make-up off my face. Looking into the mirror has turned into an ordeal to me every day. I hate it. My entire face is red and irritated, new pimples pop up constantly even though I'm using the medicine that my skin doctor has given me. It's been 3 weeks since the start of my use and it's gotten worse.
I was silent putting moisturizer on my face, willing for it to just stop hurting. And then Anna, poor Anna, who deserves a room mate who can actually be happy sustainably, asks me if I'm ok. I tell her not really, I tell her how much my face hurts and how I don't even want to go outside anymore. Every day is a struggle to get myself outside.
It seems so petty. It's just my skin. But I can't even talk to people anymore. I feel diseased. I don't really know what to do. So I'm going to keep on studying for now....exams start on the 12th.
I think you are beautiful, baby.
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