In all honesty, I forgot about this blog. I've been concentrating on tumblr. But now it seems tumblr has been infiltrated. My mother and grandparents both know of it and check it regularly. This keeps me from truly expressing what I'm feeling. I don't want my mother to know how I feel about Vienna, that this isn't the happiest I've ever been. I don't want my grandparents to know that what I miss most about undergrad is the SEX and the DRUGS. So here I am, to tell only myself that I miss Florida. That I want to be held by Jamari. That I want to feel the salty seawater in between my toes as it laps at my feet. That I want to feel some kind of warmth from the sun....or even a person!
The past month has been rough. My skin still hasn't gotten better and now I'm back on antiobiotics. My grandmother had a heartattack and I went to visit her this weekend. She seems to be alright, except for my crazy (step)grandfather watches her like a hawk and will not let her do things that she wants to and is completely capable of doing. My father and I don't see each other much. He's busy, as am I.
And speaking of school....did I mention that I cannot motivate myself to study whatsoever? I want this Masters. I do. But why can I not get myself to just read my damn readings? I feel like my heart is somewhere so different from here. And I can't fix it.
I want to fly to Florida. I think I'm falling in love with Jamari.
Damn it.
You can do it Lina! But when you do come back, I can't wait to see you! And the weather is awful here, you aren't missing too much!
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